this is sucky

sometimes i make shitty decisions. so rite now i sit here, trying to read for class, thinking that my living situation MAY NOT fall apart for any reason. please god, let me do this well. i've dealt with so many hard situations- scary, overwhelming, confusing situations. i can, and will, overcome my fear about this. What i really want: to get out of my own way, to not take anyone else's fear on, to not take anyone else's shit on period, and to think really damn clearly about this. i must be able to live my life here without tension right now. if anyone can handle this well, i can, i am the most amazing at this. really. i am rad with people. tension does not need to exist in any way, stress does not need to be here, they are not predetermined and unavoidable reactions, they are based on fear and fear is the mind-killer. (hee hee, book dork reference.)