...

I was looking at a friend's friendster page, and they're all "so political" and "so politically popular" and like hanging out with white folks and doing anti-racist work and i can't help feeling like, jealous or something, something hurts inside... y'know, i do/don't approve of the work some of these ppl do, and man, do I feel excluded or something- like, "why aren't I a political rockstar like them?" There is one pic of abovementioned friend with a young white man that I've had conflict with in another organization, and it makes me feel wierd----- that these traveling anti-racist types with a whole lotta superiority stuff and (seemingly) fake humility get something i don't. Here i sit, researching something that seems real to me, teaching a class, and I feel all sorts of strange that i'm not more involved in a community organization, that I don't get recognition.
man, fuck recognition. this is not why i do what i do. things that are important to me:
- building anti-racist conciousness with as many people as I can
- engaging in radical and anti-oppressive teaching practices at work
- researching and uncovering systems of inequality in the United States
- maintaining compassion and love for folks of all walks of life- never shutting anyone out of my heart, even for a moment.
I have to remember that I teach anti-oppression every day. Cherry and I facilitate a radical curriculum- we are creating long-term change in our immediate environment by building anti-oppression analysis with young folks. sigh. ok. i feel better.