jeezus

i feel like shit. i just don't want to date any new folks. i want easy and casual things. you can feel it when something isn't going to be casual- maybe i knew it, the day after, when she called me three times and i didn't know how to react and i really like kissing her but i can't think about making a new relationship with anyone right now, i really can't, or it feels like i really can't, like it would overwhelm me and that i would start just hanging out with her all the time and i would forget again about people and that she would be over here all the time and me over there and i wouldn't do my work but for making out and fucking, and damn, i'm scared as shit of that and then it feels like i maybe am not that attracted to her and i remember her pussy on my leg in my bed that night and her wetness on my skin and thinking that i wasn't very wet at all, and that i didn't know what to feel about that, and damn but i have some shit to work through.

i have cramps. i feel a little depressed. i want someone to come over and cuddle me, which is what she wanted, and you know what? maybe we're too much alike, need the same sorts of care, and if that's bad i don't know...

water. i need water. and spirulina. i love the light and the air and sometimes i love to have conversations with people while imagining fucking them, naked and sweaty and dirty and down. i love people. i cant date them for a little while, tho. i think audrey is taking a break.