still images of me, a child, that people in my life retain in their minds. they reference these images, compare them to the present me, filter all my words and behaviors through that memory of a very small me. i can see them, i can watch them filtering- staring at me, astonished perhaps, that i stand in front of them- adult, completely now, without restraint.
my cousin met her husband in college. he would do funny things to her parked bike to show her that he loved her. they have been together for more than ten years. i am in college, i am late to be in college, i don't want to meet a fratty man aspiring to be an environmental engineer, i want to be happy with me- but there is a part of me that envies her, she's been in love for so long, and he's a good person, he loves her. she has two beautiful children, they are small and smiley, so cute. but she didn't breed until she was 32.
i will be done with my phd by then...
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he said, "can i be completely honest?" my stomach jumped, preparing. "yeah." i responded. "of course." "i...
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i don't want to love him anymore. fuck. i want to be done. i want to be free of this. i don't want to care that he's with someon...
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of talking to people about my struggles. i just want to make decisions and figure shit out. i don't want to talk about drama anymore. at...
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