has become a pattern. now it's four thirty instead of 6. i woke up yesterday and this morning at 4:30, almost on the dot, and lay in my bed listening to my head.
last nite i drank almost two whole bottles of wine. n watched me and attempted to have a conversation over dinner with me, and was very consoling, seeing as how i was beating myself up (again) and acting generally like an obsessive freak. "He hates me" "what's wrong with me" "i'm being punished for my youthful sins..." it goes on and on.
I got mixed up. I thought that love had to do with one person, again! I forgot that I am love, and that love is all around me. Duh. That realization woke me up.
yay for me.
ectomorphing endomorphs burn paper for warmth in asylum beds while wondering where their mothers are no one to help you now the white walls scream not like there ever was
2.09.2005
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