has become a pattern. now it's four thirty instead of 6. i woke up yesterday and this morning at 4:30, almost on the dot, and lay in my bed listening to my head.
last nite i drank almost two whole bottles of wine. n watched me and attempted to have a conversation over dinner with me, and was very consoling, seeing as how i was beating myself up (again) and acting generally like an obsessive freak. "He hates me" "what's wrong with me" "i'm being punished for my youthful sins..." it goes on and on.
I got mixed up. I thought that love had to do with one person, again! I forgot that I am love, and that love is all around me. Duh. That realization woke me up.
yay for me.
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he said, "can i be completely honest?" my stomach jumped, preparing. "yeah." i responded. "of course." "i...
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i don't want to love him anymore. fuck. i want to be done. i want to be free of this. i don't want to care that he's with someon...
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of talking to people about my struggles. i just want to make decisions and figure shit out. i don't want to talk about drama anymore. at...
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