what the hell i'm doing. i thought i wanted to date r again, and now i'm not so sure. he's rad, i miss him, but i *don't* miss the processing. perhaps i'm attempting to challenge myself. somehow. oh well. i now decide... to fucking stop needing to process with him on the stuff that he triggers with me. i know that i can do that, even if its
fucking hard. and it will be.
r and i have a pattern: we say things that trigger each other and whoever's getting triggered usually feels a need to address it with the other, rather than getting a fucking session. jeez already. so he said "addicted" a couple of times. so what. its annoying, because he doesn't really know what addiction is like. i wish he would find another word, but oh well. i don't need to process with him about it. goddamn.
on the other hand... my life is pretty damned good. i met a pretty girl last nite. she is rad. i called her to ask her out for Friday nite. we made out on the dance floor after a long time of dancing, touching, freaking, she's lovely.
yay for me.
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he said, "can i be completely honest?" my stomach jumped, preparing. "yeah." i responded. "of course." "i...
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i don't want to love him anymore. fuck. i want to be done. i want to be free of this. i don't want to care that he's with someon...
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of talking to people about my struggles. i just want to make decisions and figure shit out. i don't want to talk about drama anymore. at...
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