you know

that i imagine you so often now that you have become almost like a ghost beside me, memories of you always present

you standing in front of me, sweatshirt hood over your shaved head, brooding over your mail in our old kitchen where the sun came in through so many open windows, your soft fingers finding the edges of envelopes just like they find those spots on my body that scream for you, i can imagine the softness of that sweatshirt against my face as we leaned against each other just because we're in love

you looking at the road through the windshield of that red jeep, your profile solid against the background of the moving scenery, our hands entwined as we travelled toward the grocery store running innocuous errands, planning meals because it was fun to think about what to eat together in our shared living room

my hands against your bare chest as we lay in bed

debating heatedly radical race & gender politics

you over me, my hands on your face as i breathe your name

me crying as fear courses through me, a possible interaction with the pigs rattling me, the stress of maintaining our home crashing down on me, your mother screaming at me, your back as you walk out the door, apologetic eyes pleading with me, acknowledging me, loving me even in your anger

i didn't know that i was so in love

and now i can't express my longing enough