well

we finally did it. we signed the papers, the four of us, soon to be seven-- taking action so many months later, but action that I feel necessary, even now.

what am i looking for? achieving greatness- whatever that may mean, and in my context it means several things:
- ending oppression;
- building a sustainable movement for liberation;
- building close and loving relationships with the people in my life;
- building a diverse community around me;
- consistently being reflective about my internalized processes that continue to victimize me and oppress people around me;
- educating myself constantly about the state of the world and those in it, especially the effects of the imperialist force i live within and my complicity in that imperialism;
- loving completely every person i come into contact with throughout each moment of my day while remaining strong and advocating for myself.

I will achieve my goals; Tia once put in a card to me, for some occasion, that she was confident that I would "never lead a mediocre life." I hope that she is correct, and honestly, i am striving to prove that she is. Perhaps it is almost that expectation that drives me to fulfill it. How awful to have had such a shiny future predicted for you and end up toothless in a trailer park with only cigarettes and vodka to accompany your tragedy.

There are so many decisions I need to make right now, and directions I could push. Each one has a different outcome, and I am having a hard time thinking strategically about this; I can plan a campaign, but i have a hard time predicting the most fruitful/liberating/revolutionary set of moves for my life. This chessgame is far more complicated, and there is so much more at stake.

Here i am, at the crossroads.