that i despise. that worry that i will be cast off, abandoned. I hate liking someone, i really do, it makes me crazy and i don't want to be left
and i don't want to call her. i have this habit of calling when i feel this crazy, and i have to remember what i really want and what's going on; even if she does decide that this is not for her I am ok, and my trajectory continues on its inorexable path. and we will be friends.
if i hate this feeling, why am i feeling it? i am gonna let this one go. right now.
off to the showers.
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