i really did, i loved him as well as I could. and i miss him more than words can express right now. for my graduation at the beach j showed himself in a way he hadn't before and i was blessed with his honest smile radiating from his eyes through his skin like he really meant it and we joked about our engagement photos
one like this we were to use on the announcement
and we talked ridiculousness: where our girls would go to school, what instruments they might play, if we should go to Guam to raise them, how i might fare there, what I would have to prepare for, how we would keep getting support for our emotional selves there... so much more. how he would start teaching if i got pregnant then and i contemplated trying so that we could just settle in to being together and start a life and maybe he would step up if i carried his child
in my dream there were two girls; one with lighter hair, the taller one, and one with darker standing and waving to j and i as we walked away they stood in front of palm trees hair blowing in the wind
i assumed they were ours and i miss the idea of them too
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