to love life and people regardless of the shitty things that happen. i'm sitting by my window and wondering why i still long for a boy who misses me, apparently, but "only because of the touching" that he is bereft of now. i didn't realize how much that hurt until today, because i miss all sorts of aspects of him, not just our physical interactions. yeh, what the fuck. i thought i had worked through my wierd funk of post-breakup whatever, but i haven't, i'm still hurting lots over it, and all i really want is to be up and over all of this. i hate thinking that i'm more cut up than he is. I wanna yell- I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE! YEH, I JUST MISS THE TOUCHING TOO! YEH, WHATEVER! but i would be lying to him and me. i do care. i do want him. i'm a little sorry that i gave up. i want him to want me. i want him to come over and hold me while i cry about having to work two jobs to swing survival. i want him to be nice to me and counsel me well NOT ANYONE ELSE!!! even though i know that the other folks in my life can do just as good a job...
hmmph. i'm feeling pouty.
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he said, "can i be completely honest?" my stomach jumped, preparing. "yeah." i responded. "of course." "i...
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i don't want to love him anymore. fuck. i want to be done. i want to be free of this. i don't want to care that he's with someon...
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of talking to people about my struggles. i just want to make decisions and figure shit out. i don't want to talk about drama anymore. at...
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