and damned if i'm not sad. someone mentioned otis, and my housemates started looking at pictures full of him & me, and i started remembering his face... the way his lips sloped carefully into his pretty, stubbly face... his dynamic nose that seemed to rise above his face like a dolphin dorsal over the oceans surface.
i am too much. i am too demanding and uncouth, i am defensive and tired. i am tired of constantly having (or feeling like i have) to call people on their shit, in order to be taken seriously. I just wasn't prepared to do it on my vacation. and i'm sorry. perhaps i was (am) a little burned out. and i let it get the better of me. do i constantly have to fight? I have had to fight for my life, and i'm tired of it. honestly. can i get a break? i'm tired of men, i'm tired of fighting them in this sexist society, i'm tired of being on my toes constantly. i'm tired of being tired.
i want more equanimity. i resolve to find some.
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he said, "can i be completely honest?" my stomach jumped, preparing. "yeah." i responded. "of course." "i...
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i don't want to love him anymore. fuck. i want to be done. i want to be free of this. i don't want to care that he's with someon...
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of talking to people about my struggles. i just want to make decisions and figure shit out. i don't want to talk about drama anymore. at...
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