and damned if i'm not sad. someone mentioned otis, and my housemates started looking at pictures full of him & me, and i started remembering his face... the way his lips sloped carefully into his pretty, stubbly face... his dynamic nose that seemed to rise above his face like a dolphin dorsal over the oceans surface.
i am too much. i am too demanding and uncouth, i am defensive and tired. i am tired of constantly having (or feeling like i have) to call people on their shit, in order to be taken seriously. I just wasn't prepared to do it on my vacation. and i'm sorry. perhaps i was (am) a little burned out. and i let it get the better of me. do i constantly have to fight? I have had to fight for my life, and i'm tired of it. honestly. can i get a break? i'm tired of men, i'm tired of fighting them in this sexist society, i'm tired of being on my toes constantly. i'm tired of being tired.
i want more equanimity. i resolve to find some.
ectomorphing endomorphs burn paper for warmth in asylum beds while wondering where their mothers are no one to help you now the white walls scream not like there ever was
6.29.2004
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