this moment

is life and death and rape and birth
and so much all tied up into
a single imaging session.

it's amazing what one pelvic
and transvaginal
ultrasound will do

there should be a trigger warning

i do feel like i need a deep, dark cry

one to release the fear
of the past and the possible future
who has trespassed
and what that impact still
may
be
to
me

are you really still taking my moments from me?

and yet there is strength

i birthed babies
i grew them and nourished them and loved them
inside me
and through that tunnel
they found their first breaths

i did that too

it's not all rape.
it's not all death.

it's not

writing in all the slivers of time

i have been thinking a lot about the words in my head. the moments that strike me and the words that I lose-- the words I have lost, the meaning that I have allowed to slip away. Its almost as though i have left that part of me-- the part of me committed to communicating and expressing the meaning of my moments-- died. It left that work to others.

the unexamined life is a meaningless one.

so the question that has to guide me now-- how is this moment expressing the meaning of this life that i have? the significance of this small travel, that is in its essence absolutely meaningless and enormously important all at once.