goals

"An extremely awake 2/3 is someone whose generosity is so continuous and so genuine that it seems to be an inseparable part of the personality. Never is there even the tiniest hint that anything is expected in return -- in fact, extremely advanced 2/3 sometimes becomes so good at giving that the recipient never finds out where the help came from (or even that it has happened). 2/3 saints somehow encourage the universe to shower gifts on others. Generosity comes through them, not from them."

more SFD forever

today i did pretty well. Actually got through a lot of laundry. I didn't hate on myself as much as i have been for the past year. I've been rumbling with things-- with my shame about RWF in particular. I spoke with Jon the other night and it was so wonderful to see how shocked he was at the things i've been telling myself. i cried, i was honest, and he really comforted me. i saw that he doesn't blame me, and that was surprising.

but it's still in there, the voice. it still whispers at me, even on the good days. it's the voice that says, you're doing good, today. today is good. despite it all. despite what you've done. despite how you've fucked up your family and your finances.

how am i rumbling? this is the real question. a session on Monday. processing with Jon. Facing what's really happening. getting clear on what's actually happening--

getting curious. noticing what's real, and what it's really about.

quieting the voices that make up all the stories.