you know what is

totally strange?

that i love spending time with you. that when i'm with you, i am content. a little discontent, because i want so much of you. the amount of you that i became accustomed to in that short period of time. the total of you that pulled me irresistably toward you, regardless of my intentions.

and now it is difficult to settle for any less. all i want is you. i want more than you can give. i want to give you more than i should


blend shift move change into two one

but damn

i am fucking scared that you
- are lying to me
- don't really care about me
- really, that you are lying to me.

please don't be doing those things. please. just fucking tell me. the problem here is, i suppose, that i really don't know you. i have no idea what you might do. ugh.

but damn

you really seem like an upstanding person. this is a challenge, because usually i trust people-- and you make me damn nervous and i want to fucking trust you. damn fucking nervous

i would

paint your portrait over everything mundane

you are settling in like sand on a river bottom
so accustomed to travel i am that your presence seems alien
i expect your apprehension
your doubt and fear and the running
not security and care
and honesty

where did you come from?
escaping from the woodwork the wallpaper of my life
you exclaim that you are here

blowing a ragged hole in my carefully tended facade

the ups and downs of

this are extreme. but i guess i asked for it.

sigh.